TikTok, tiktok, tiktok…sigh where do I began??

Ever since Tiktok emerged I’ve tried my hardest to stay away from it. Nothing against it, I just didn’t want another app on my phone, in my mind this is just like vine and would be dead pretty soon like almost all the other apps that were once popular. But about 2months ago still in full lockdown I decided to give in. I was board out of my mind and needed a good laugh. I’m not gonna lie, since joining I’ve really been enjoying myself. There are so many gifted people on there, from singing, dancing, laughing until my stomach hurts and even helping in strengthening my walk with Christ. Which brings me here. 

Christian Tiktok

Although Tiktok is filled with lots of laughter and joy, it’s also filled with the same amount of deception when it comes to christianity. It’s heartbreaking if you ask me. You have people on the with hundreds/thousands of followers telling people things like Jesus himself told them to tell their followers that being Gay is not a sin. In no way am I homophobic but we all know Jesus said no such thing. What he does say is “Come as you are.” Meaning we as humans no matter if we’re gay, straight, drug addicts, liars, thief’s, murderers etc. can have a relationship with him if we desire to. He won’t deny his love for us just because of our sin. In fact he’ll do the exact opposite, he’ll love on us so hard that we have no choice but to change. Not because he’s forcing us to but because we actually want to. It’s like being in a relationship. Have you ever had someone love you so good that you literally want to do everything you can for them, even on the days they upset you?? That’s the kind of love Jesus has for us and it is honestly The most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Something I truly want everyone to experience one day. You have others telling people that Jesus isn’t God and the scariest one I’ve seen so far is a man who thinks he actually is Jesus. This man really sits there telling people he’s Jesus and if they don’t follow him they’ll die. He tells them if they deny him himself as the true and living God they’re dumb and they will burn in hell forever. The Bible warns us that things like this are going to happen before his actual return but…wow it’s scary. To see everything unfold right before your eyes is just. It’s like a movie except ITS NOT A MOVIE! I’m speaking out on this because, as a new believer myself I know how hard it is. You don’t know what to believe, who to trust or what do, it can be so discouraging at times but I encourage you to read the word yourself and not just listen to what people say. A good translation for beginners is CSB. It has modern day language. If you want more of a Kjv feel but don’t fully understand it yet try the amplified Version. People rave about N. I.V as well. I personally don’t use it because certain scriptures or taken out or tampered with. But pray and ask the lord what’s best for you. Eternal life is nothing to play with. Please don’t let this app deceive you. 

Remember each of our journeys are different don’t let anyone discourage you on yours!!! God can and will use people from all walks of life to help each other

IG https://www.instagram.com/preddybrownskinnnn/

Twitter: @RollingWithKiki

We’re going to Hawaii in December. The flight is about 13 hours and I really want to lose weight so I will be more comfortable on a flight that long. My husband and I both need to lose about 20 pounds each. We have been on Weight Watchers for 3 months and basically we’re just maintaining where we are at currently. It’s not weight watchers fault, it’s us. We make excuses to go out to lunch once or twice a week. Or order pizza for dinner when we feel lazy. We have a rough day and have a drink or two and a rather large dinner. I started looking for diet plans that take all the guess work out. All the decision making. Any thought at all. 

I was between Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem and I eventually sided with Nutrisystem. Jenny Craig has more support but it also costs more. Nutrisystem has a partner plan and my husband and I will be each others support through this. 

It works out to $342.09 every other week for both of us. So $684.18 for the month. It sounds like a lot BUT I am only buying us veggies and fruit at the grocery store and we aren’t ordering out or going out to lunch once or twice a week. Really, it’s about the same or even less than what we were spending in a month. We put our first order in, got a box of non perishables and then two days later the box of frozen food. I have no idea about what the food tastes like so we picked the chef choice. 

To start, Nutrisystem has a jump start 7 day plan, all meals and snacks are provided. Then it’s 5 days of meals and snacks and you get flex days… We haven’t gotten to those yet. Straight away, some of these food options, I would never choose for myself. Lots of breakfast bars, lunch bars, sweet snacks. I like salt. Lots of salt. Give me all the savory. And the portions are tiny but you can have all the veggies you want so you don’t starve to death. But if you want a salad, you’re looking at vinegar and salt and pepper as your dressing. Lucky for me, I like apple cider vinegar and salt and pepper, so usually I add a salad on the side. My husband has roasted veggies and sautéed veggies to have as his sides. 

Our first week was a breakfast, I usually picked a bar since I don’t usually have breakfast but I have updated our next order to include a couple more breakfast sandwiches and oatmeal. Then you get a snack, which for me was a chocolate shake. I think the shake is ok, my husband disagrees. He said it’s pretty thick and not that great. He switched to one of the other snacks in the morning. 

Then there is lunch. Which is small. My favorite so far was a ramen. To us, the food isn’t bad but it’s small. You can add veggies to at least feel not hungry. Afternoon snacks are popcorn, pretzels, bars, or cupcakes and other things Nutrisystem makes healthier. They’re all alright. Something to hold you over till dinner. 

For dinner, My favorite thing so far was the meatloaf sandwich. I added LOTS of tomato and onion and mustard and to me that was the most filling meal I have had on this plan so far. The crazy thing about all this is when I plug the food into my weight watchers app, it’s actually over the amount of points I am supposed to have in a day. And way under what my husband is supposed to have. 

After a week, I am down 4 lbs. My husband is down about 7. We’re going to keep it up for the remainder of the month and then switch back to Weight Watchers to try to lose a little more before Hawaii and also help us maintain. Especially though Thanksgiving. 

Depending how this run goes, we were thinking about possibly doing this in January again. January is a slow month and we could drop some weight and then relax a little for a few months. I read someone’s review that said she did the program every January to kind of reset and help her lose anything she gained from the prior year and I thought that was a really good idea. This is definitely teaching me that my portions are just way too much. I am feeling better over all, even after a week. 

Would I recommend Nutrisystem at this point? Sure. I feel like it’s very direct and really takes a lot of the guess work out of everything. I like that it’s pre portioned. I like that I don’t have to think about what to make in advance. I just pick from the box or the freezer for the day and I am good to go. Not everything is delicious but it’s packaged food. I don’t think anything I have had has been terrible. After the first week there are 2 flex days. Those are designed to help up learn how to plan our own food for when we are no longer on the program. That’s why we are keeping weight watchers for now. 

I’ll post another review at the end of this month. 
What are you’re thoughts? Have you done Nutrisystem? What did you think? 

Whelp, It’s almost here. I am officially turning 40 in a week. I wasn’t going to do anything. Honestly. Just get seafood with my family and a napoleon pastry from my favorite place.  My friends have all done something so they said we needed to do at least something for me. One friend rented a house in the Catskills for a weekend. That was a blast. We danced and drank and did a fire pit and a hot tub. Another friend did an overnight spa trip. That was a lot of fun too! I was so relaxed, it was wonderful! 

Usually my family and I take a long weekend and go up to Cape Cod. I love it at this time of year. The tourist season is almost over so the beaches and restaurants are not packed. We cancelled it last year because of Covid and then again this year because we have a long trip planned in December. My daughter is turning 10 and wanted to go to Hawaii… Honestly, I do too.. so we’ll be there for 10 days in December. Anyway, between Hawaii and Covid and School, we’re not going to the Cape this year. Instead I have picked a vineyard that a friend said was really pretty. We’re going to go Saturday and we are bringing food and buying wine there. It’ll be a day trip, outside, and I hope a lot of fun. 

One of my friends couldn’t make it so we are meeting for pizza and beers Wednesday. Then Sunday my family and sister and niece are going to try to go get seafood at this cute place on the sound. My actual birthday falls during the week next week and I think that’s when I’ll get my napoleon. 

I don’t know if it’s because I am older, because of the past year and a half, or a combo of both, but I am noticing that I am leaning more towards comfort in my clothing choices. I am loving sweaters with pockets lately. I just got this one and I am obsessed with it right now. Not enough to spend $275.00 on it, but I will be wearing it until it’s time to return it. 

I’m currently still doing Rent the Runway but I don’t like their new memberships. I am mad I am paying pretty close to what I was before and I am getting less than half of what I use to get. I used to have unlimited shipments. That was great because I could try new things, things I normally wouldn’t wear, and sometimes I discovered that I loved it… Sometimes it went right back. I am on the look out for a new clothes rental place that isn’t so pricy. My friend uses stitch fix, and she loves it… I am tempted to try but I kind of like the rental part. I don’t necessarily want to buy everything I get. I want to get new things, wear them a few times, and then send them back. I don’t know, we’ll see what happens. For now I still have rent the runway, I just don’t love it as much as I used to and it’s because of the new membership programs they forced everyone to change to.  

In other news… I have been following entertainment news lately to sort of give my brain a break from the news news. Can I just say how happy I am for J Lo and Ben, Britney and Sam, and Kourtney and Travis. I know I don’t know them. I just love seeing pictures of them smiling and it’s like that pure joy smile. It’s so cute. And it has been making me feel really happy to see people really happy. I really hope that everyone gets to feel that sort of joy. 

That’s pretty much it for me right now. The kids are settling back into the school routine. As are my husband and I.  He’s back in the office 3 days a week and I’m in1 for now. I am sure we’re going to have to start going back in more. Right now they seem to not be pressuring everyone too much yet. I’ll take it. When I went in last week, I was so nervous and there were only a couple other people there. I guess I have to just keep going and hopefully I will not be so anxious after a while. 

How are you all doing? Any plans coming up?

I’m not ready. For anything. I have myself good and scared of everyone. I’m anxious and I trust no one. Haha. I don’t want the kids in after’s, I don’t want to go back to the office and I don’t trust anyone in either of those places to wear masks or respect my space. 

In reality, I have to start going back into the office. I have to have the kids in school. I have to put myself in very uncomfortable situations, I guess. What else can I do? I can’t afford not to work and I learned by doing remote school last year that I am a terrible teacher. 

I hope that my job is as flexible as they say they will be. I am supposed to start going back to the office next week for a few days a week. I am still figure out what days to go in and what days to work from home and then I have to figure out if the kids need to go to after’s. I just don’t know. I am completely uncomfortable with everything because I know a co worker who doesn’t wear a mask at her desk and my desk is maybe 3 feet away. I don’t want to be in the office with her. 

This shit is still spreading and killing people and mutating. And then people are making it all political. It’s not political that I don’t want my family or myself to get sick. I don’t get it. Honestly, this post isn’t really about that anyway. I am nervous about sending my family out into the world when people are fighting over the stupidest shit. Like if it’s your right to not wear a mask in public then it should be my right that you stay very far the fuck away from me. Unless you really want me to say something to you because I will tell you to back up. 

I’m just annoyed at everyone right now. Even going to the grocery store is stressful. People don’t pay attention. Even though masks are mandated right now, no store employee wants to tell the old mask less man hovering over people to put a mask on.  Seriously, why are you so close? Why can’t you wait your turn? One thing I have definitely learned during this whole thing is that people really just don’t care about other people. I’ll stand and wait my turn and then someone will come up behind me and reach around me and grab something. What about my personal space?  I don’t know what to do about it really besides be annoyed and complain about it and then try to get over it. 

For September I am hoping to get back into the swing of things without getting to anxious about everything. I don’t know how it’s going to work. I talked to my bosses. I was assured that everything is flexible right now. I am really concerned about schools and quarantines and what’s going to happen then. But then I am also trying not to worry too much about it and telling myself to go with the flow because that’s really all I can do right now. 
For my blog, I am hoping to start writing again at least once a week. I need that outlet right now, I think. 

What about you all? How are you doing? 

Being single can be difficult at times, trust me I know. You’re talking to a girl who’s literally never been in a serious relationship. Situationship? Yes but a relationship where we go on dates, watch movies, fall asleep on the phone together? No, never. Sad right?? You know what’s even sadder?? I had my first kiss at 19 and hated it. Nothing bad happened, it just wasn’t with the right person and I knew it. But Yet and still I continued to put my lips on him every time we met up for the next 2 years. Searching and hoping for some kind of spark to find it’s way upon our lips but It never came. All that ever came were tears. Not from heartbreak but from frustration, anger and disrespect. Although I don’t like that I was in such a toxic situation I wouldn’t erase it even if I had the chance. It broke me so bad I had no other choice but to give my life to Christ. He has truly given me the strength, peace and healing I’ve been searching for my entire life. Because of him I now know my worth and the importance of walking in it. A few days ago I did a post called “ Good Men Do Exist” part 2 is coming soon but basically I talk about how Society says one thing but God says another. Today, I wanna talk about the importance of carrying yourself as a wife even while you’re single. 

Be a wife in your singleness. This is something I’m personally working on now. Growing up I NEVER wanted to be married because I never seen a healthy example of a marriage but the closer I get to God, the more I actually want to be. I want my husband and i’s relationship to glorify Jesus in every way possible. I want our marriage to be the reason people we know give their lives to him. In order for this to happen there are things I must work on now, single so when he does come I’ll be ready to not only receive him but also love him the way he deserves. 

Are You Wife Material?

Before you be so quick to answer yes, take a minute and really think about the question. When most women are asked this question we ten to list our accomplishments. We talk about 

• How many degrees we have
• The job we have
• How much money we make
• The car we have
• How we can cook good ect. While these are all amazing things and should definitely be celebrated they don’t necessarily make you wife material. We can have all these things and be a Delilah. For those of you who don’t know. Delilah was a sweet weapon of destruction. The Philistine rulers employed her as a weapon to capture Samson. She is selfish. She is not there for love or the relationship. She is there for herself and what she stands to gain for herself in the relationship. She is an opportunist. Also, she is sometimes in the relationship to prove something to others. Almost everything she does has a selfish motive behind it. She has her own agenda and hardly sacrifices for the relationship. She is captivating, enchanting, exciting and charming. She is beautiful and lively. She has a sweet personality. She knows what a man wants and she knows how to make a man feel good. She is a difficult person to resist. You would love to have her around you always but she will play with your mind and heart. She likes playing games in a relationship. She can make you do things that are against your morals. She lies a lot. I think y’all get the point. Sis is just pure evil smh. 

What I’ve learned when men ask this question…

Even before my desire to get married came about. I have always been interested in the male mindset. I find it so intriguing. While some women complain about how stupid men are and how they just don’t understand us. I sit here and think to myself is it that they don’t understand us, or we just don’t take the time to listen and have real conversations? I’m not sure why but I’ve always been The type of girl who wants a male perspective on things. So, whenever I can I ask a man or multiple men that I know a question. Such as what makes a woman wife material?? They’ll break it down for me explaining what we think they want to know vs what they’re actually asking. 

• Can you pray for him when he can’t pray for himself?
• Are you COMPASSIONATE?
• Are you slow to anger when having a disagreement?
• Do you respect him?
• Can you love him unconditionally?
• Are you selfless? And most importantly will you be a 
• Good mother to his children he plans to have in the future??

Women have such a long list of expectations/wants from a man but the question is…what will you, do you bring to the table??

Remember each of our journeys are different don’t let anyone discourage you on yours!!! God can and will use people from all walks of life to help each other

Read: https://rollingwithkiki.wordpress.com/2021/07/01/good-men-do-exist/

IG https://www.instagram.com/preddybrownskinnnn/

Twitter: @RollingWithKiki

So by now y’all obviously know that I’m a Christian and have been for quite some time now. What y’all don’t know is that this is actually my second year truly living for him because I backslid. I backslid for many reasons but the main one was my issue with men. I didn’t hate them. I just didn’t know how to love, appreciate or talk to them because of the relationships I’ve seen growing up and always being teased by them because of my disability. But the lord has really been revealing things to me over these past 5months or so and I just wanted to share a little.

GOOD MEN DO EXIST!! I know Society has told us otherwise but good men do you still exist!! Faithful men, loving, men exist. Masculine men, protective men, respectful men still exist. Gentlemen…still exist. Men that will fight for you, Men that pray over you/speak life into you when you don’t know how you’re gonna make it another day. Husbands are on the way and they’re FIIINE!!! So get ready. Us women truly need to uplift the men in our life in every way we can. Doesn’t matter if he’s your brother, father, cousin, uncle, husband or just a friend. Tell that man how much you love and appreciate him. Make him feel like “THE MAN ” at all times even when he makes mistakes. If you grew up similar to me this may be a bit difficult for you to do. Around age 12 I adopted a masculine mind set as a defense mechanism. I didn’t want to be a boy or anything but I felt I had to be tough like them. This would be my first time ever away from home because I had surgery. If I got teased here my family wouldn’t always be there to defend me and crying just wasn’t an option. I had to protect myself by any means necessary. The way I did this was with my words. You weren’t going to say whatever you wanted to me and get away with it. This went for everyone, I didn’t care who you were. Hearing sayings like “ men ain’t shit”, “all men cheat”, men are dogs and my absolute favorite “I DON’T NEED A MAN.” Didn’t help much either. Your reason for adopting masculinity may be slightly different but I’m pretty sure the root of it for all of us is the same. Pain. Pain can really cause self destruction if left unaddressed and unfortunately that’s what most of us are taught in the black Community. We are taught not to cry because crying means we’re weak. Most of us are talked at, not talked to. We shut down because we feel judged instead of heard. So much goes into it. But I have GOOD NEWS!!! It’s not too late to be healed. It’s not too late to have joy and peace and not too late to have the life you’ve possibly always dreamed of. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, healing isn’t easy but it’s definitely worth it. You may be saying to yourself I’ve tried to heal, nothing worked. I’ve been there. I literally thought porn would take away my pain but all it did was become an addiction and distort my view of men even more. I’m not trying to force my believes on you in any way but the only thing that truly helped was when I finally stopped trying to fix myself, by myself and gave it to Jesus. I’m porn addiction free for 2 years. I am filled with peace even on my sad days and I’m learning how to love me so that I can love my baby when he comes

Remember each of our journeys are different don’t let anyone discourage you on yours!!! God can and will use people from all walks of life to help each other

IG https://instagram.com/justask_kiki?igshid=15roz18kcy67b

Twitter: @RollingWithKiki

Good Morning! I have been telling myself for the past few weeks that I really need to get to writing a blog update and then I get side tracked with work or laundry or cleaning. This morning I will write to you while having my coffee instead of in my journal.

We have been talking about moving to San Diego for a few years and we have been trying to save to make that move happen. About a month and a half ago my husband and I had a chat about how much money we actually needed to be comfortable moving. We threw out numbers.
A week or so later the realtor that sold us our house called and said the market was crazy and houses were selling well above asking price and if we were interested she could do some research and let us know what the going price for a house like ours would be.

The number she came back with exceeded what our moving budget would be for us to go…. By two. We slept on it and decided why not try and see what happens? The realtor came and gave us a short list on what to do to make the house listing ready and we got to work. The next weekend she came, took pictures and by Wednesday we were up and listed.

We said that things needed to fall into place, we didn’t want to force anything right now. I reached out to a friend who lives in San Diego and she said the housing market there was beyond crazy. She recommended we check out he military base since my husband is a retired Marine. Then we could rent for a year and find a house once the real estate market settled down some. We reached out to the base and they had 2, 3 bedroom townhouses available for August.

I was like, what is happening? It was really fast but sort of falling into place. Upon further research , we found out our big mushy dog would not be allowed. He’s a rottweiler pit bull mix. He is the mushiest 120 pound lap puppy and he is not an option. So we expanded our search to off base housing. For jobs, we both were thinking we could take our current jobs with us since we have been full remote already for a year, and then find something once we get out there and settled for a couple months.

Thursday , after listing the house, my husbands friend called about Director position at their company and they thought he would be a good fit for the position. The only issue is that this is not a fully remote position. Going into the office in Connecticut would be required a couple times a week. This would totally throw a wrench in moving across the country, but if we pushed the move another year or two then he would have Director experience. We could save more and I could go back to school and finally get my Bachelor Degree, I have an associates. With that I will have the degree and the work experience and it might be easier for me to get a job once we get out there.

We decided to put in his resume and host the open house once to see what would happen. We held one open house weekend and received 4 offers, all above asking price. Two families really wanted the house and we were between those two. Then my husband got the job offer. So we apologized to both families and pulled the house off the market. We are here one more year at least and I am going back to school.

Besides that, I went on a girls weekend getaway to Woodstock for my friends 40th birthday. My mom came to visit for the first time in a year and a half. And now my brother is going to come for a night or two. Things are starting to get busy and back to normal. Of course, they aren’t yet. The kids are still remote. We’re going to keep them home for the rest of this school year. My husband is gearing up to start a new job soon. I am still full remote too.

My department has not discussed going back into the office, yet. But then the CDC just announced the new recommendations for wearing masks, so now who knows. The entire thing is really confusing. We are fully vaccinated but our children aren’t. Now that the vaccine has been approved for 12-15 year olds, we’ll probably be able to get our son the vaccine before school in the fall. First he has to turn 12.

That’s kind of it for me right now. I will be back to writing more often now that things are starting to settle down a little more. And as long as everyone we love is vaccinated, we might be able to have our family BBQ this summer. I’m excited to see more of the people I love, finally! But today, I have to go get a steak to grill for when my brother gets here later.🙂

When we decided to stay another year, I pulled out the planters and we planted the flowers for the deck this year. I love it. I hope you are good too! Write again soon.🙂

Personal Update time.🙂 My husband and I are trying to get the house ready for Spring. We have some out door projects we need to get to and some indoor ones as well.

The kids are getting older…😞 But also🙂. So I am starting to get rid of the toys (except the ones they loved, those we’ll put in storage in the attic) and trying to make the family room more of a tween/teen hang out. One of our friends just bought new couches so we scored one of their old ones for free.

The Barbie dream house and our generation (target brand American girl doll) Ice cream truck and kitchen set were given away this past weekend. Now I just have to go through the toy chest and get rid of all that. The toy chest will turn into a cover and pillow chest for future sleepovers. I think it’s going to look really nice in there once that’s done. Maybe I’ll do that Saturday.

We have some outdoor projects. Unfortunately, the Japanese maple tree in our front yard died. I loved that tree and I am really not sure what happen. There are bugs on it and the bark is falling off. Half of it gets leaves and the other half is just dead. We’re having a guy come to take it down so we can replant a new one. Also, we are getting a termite guy out to spray. Not sure if it’s termites but I am not chancing it. Whatever is in there likes wood and my house is wood so …

The back stairs to the deck and kitchen are getting a little bit wobbly, those need to be replaced or reinforced. The yard needs to be re seeded in some areas and I need to weed around the flowers in the front.

Another thing sort of on the back burner, we’re really looking to move to San Diego at some point this year or next. Our realtor reached out to us this past week saying that the housing market here is hot right now so we asked her to give us an estimate on our house. Just to see. I mean, who knows? If that gets us to San Diego, maybe it’s the push we need. I wanted to move there and keep this house for a year kind of as a “just in case” we wanted to come back type of deal. Rent it out and see how it goes. Then  if we decide to stay, sell and buy there. That would be ideal. But who knows if we’ll find a renter, and do we really want to be landlords all the way across the country? My sister would be here, she would be able to really take care of anything if we needed, but still… Stress. Plus, we have 2 huge dogs, a bunny and a turtle and that will really narrow our rental options. Best bet would be to sell and buy something new. Anyway, no harm in getting an estimate, right? I have heard the property prices are going up, up up so why not see what it is?

Work is talking about bringing people back. I mean like in the office back. So far there are a few people going back next month and they are doing like 2 days in office the other 3 days from home. My coworker mentioned that she thinks we’re going to be in the next round to rotate back in. Probably June – ish she thinks. She gets the inside scoop from the front desk ladies so she’s probably not far off from what they are planning on doing.

I have to say, I am pretty sad about this. I want to work from home for the entire summer and then go back slowly once the kids start back at school. Like I really want them to get back and settled and then I can figure out the logistics of having 2 kids in separate schools with different drop offs. I just don’t want to think about it yet. Not until covid is really fading out. It’s actually surging around here again at the moment. The only reason I am not freaking out is because my husband and I are fully vaccinated now. As are the small group of people we see. We still mask up every where we go.

I am planning our December trip to Hawaii. I am working with a travel agent there. Super excited about that. So far it’s looking like 5 days in Maui and 5 days in Oahu. I hope that come December things are more open. Hopefully, we can put the deposit on that soon.

Last but not least, this week is my husband and I’s 13th wedding anniversary.🙂 It’s like how did that happen so fast and also, that’s it? Haha. We’re planning on going out to dinner for the first time since August. There’s a Mexican place with a nice outdoor area and delicious margaritas.

That’s it for me right now. Still working. Reading. Planning, planning and more planning. Getting ready to I guess get back to some sort of normal. I just really actually liked the slow down of this past year. I mean, yeah, I missed friends and birthday’s and all that. But I got to spend a lot of time with my kids and my husband and just relax. I feel really lucky in the sense that we were able to do that. We didn’t have to worry about work, everyone we knew stayed home for the most part and stayed safe, and now we will get to hang out again… Eventually…  and outside probably, but it’s spring and summer now.

How are you doing? Any spring projects going on?

My reading spree continues. We are supposed to start book club again this coming weekend. I really hope we can actually all get together and pull it off. It’s been over a year so I hope that this is the start of us being able to meet more consistently. The weather is getting nicer so meeting in the park is what we have planned.

Let’s get started on my March Reading!

All girls

I did not enjoy this book. I live in CT and I bet there are a lot of people like those girls in the book. I kind of liked how each chapter was told from a different girls point of view. That was really the only thing I liked about this book. But I do not recommend this book unless you want to re live some high school hell. If you like that sort of thing, then you might enjoy this.

Behind closed doors

This book was recommended by a girl in book club and it was nuts. The same one who recommended Mrs. Parrish. The characters in this story were crazy. The story was twisted. I liked it. It was a super fast read and kept me entertained.

Klara and the sun

This book was good. I like that it was different. I liked that it was told from the Robots mind as she was trying to understand humans. I thought it was interesting and well written. The ending made me sad but that wouldn’t stop me from recommending you read this! Definitely worth the read.

The lost apothecary : a novel

I really liked this book. I liked how it connected the past and present and I really thought it was a good read. I liked the characters. I like the story. I would definitely recommend you give this book a read!

The Kitchen Front:

This book was really fun to read. I recommended it to my mom too. She loves cooking shows. I really liked the story of friendship. I wish I could go back and pick this for a book club read and then have everyone try to make a dish from it for when we meet to discuss. Should you read it? Yes!🙂

The Charmed Wife:

Interesting. I didn’t really know what to expect when I picked up this book. I just saw it on some lists and thought why not request it. Then when I started it, I was not really expecting it to be based on Cinderella. That is fairy tale isn’t my favorite. I kept reading and it was really good. I actually finished the book in 2 days because it was a really interesting take on the fairy tale and with lots of interesting twists. I understand why this book is on must read lists and I recommend it as well.

I have 4 more books waiting to be read this month and 2 more on hold. I am just really happy that the weather is getting nicer. My husband and I are fully vaccinated now. My sister is half way there. Our best friends are fully vaccinated. My in laws are too. We aren’t going to be throwing any parties, but we are starting to plan on some outdoor cook outs and I just can’t wait to see people that I love and missed so much. I know we aren’t out of the woods yet, and we still have a ways to go, but it feels good to make plans.

How are you doing? Have you read any good books? Anything I should add to my April reading?

Invest. When most people think of this word the first thing that often comes to mind is money. Want to be a homeowner some day? Invest in land. Want to be an entrepreneur? Invest in business and the most talked about is stocks. All of these things are good and I think we all should at some point in our life. But what if I told you that these aren’t the only things you should invest in. In fact I believe that before we invest in any of that, we should invest in something way more important and that is ourselves. You are worth so much more than material things. You are worth more than any car, house or business on this earth. Why? Because you my friend were created by God himself. When he created you he gave you your own gifts, dreams and purpose that only you can fulfill. Most of us had huge dreams for our lives as a child but somehow they died as we got older. It could’ve been because of your up bringing and the mindset you were taught to have , Society standards, your environment or the people around you. Be careful who you share your dreams with!! Not everyone wants to see you win. Some people will kill your dreams from the moment they hear about them including your very family. How do I know? Unfortunately this is something that has constantly happened to me as a child. Not just from my family but literally everyone around me. Everyone’s favorite question still to this day is. “ How? You’re in a wheelchair. ” Thanks for the reminder because even though I’m sitting right in front of you in it as you say that, I do have mornings that I forget. For years I allowed comments like these to affect me so much that I literally stopped dreaming. Even after giving my life to Christ. He would tell me to do things and I would always cancel myself out believing the lie of I’m not good enough. Until now. Unlike most people I’m actually grateful for this pandemic because it forced me to build my relationship with Jesus, to truly put my trust in him not on the things of this world. To find my identity in him and work on some of the issues and insecurities I have. It forced me to learn to love myself and not know that I’m pretty but believe it. This is an everyday journey but luckily I’m not alone. When I was 15 the lord blessed me by bringing my favorite person into my life. (I literally call him my favorite person) because he is. Lol. This man has impacted my life since day one. You see when he came into my life I was an angry, rebellious teenager who struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. When everyone gave up on me he didn’t. When I gave up on myself he didn’t. When I fall he’s here to pick me back up. When I’m doubting myself he doesn’t allow me to stay there. He says I don’t but I know I annoy the hell out of him because ever since we reconnected I’m always in his DMs venting or asking questions. I promise it’s only because he gives AMAZING ADVICE. I mean the man should be a life coach, that’s how good he is. I’m not just saying that because I know him personally, I’m saying that because it’s true. Some of the things that I talk about on here are things that he’s personally walked wit me through or is still walking me through like today’s topic. Self love. As most of you know I grew up with a load of insecurities about myself because of my disability. I didn’t hate myself but I hated my life and had a deep dislike for myself if that makes sense?? His love for me reminds me of Jesus’s. Literally. I don’t understand it and definitely do not deserve it yet they give it so freely with no strings attached. The most they want is my love in return but even, on the days I may not be so good at it they love me anyway. And. I’m. Just. So. Thankful🥺 

So, about self love. Obviously this is something I struggle or should I say struggled with. However, since he’s been back my self esteem has shot up tremendously. Especially within the past 2 months. My confidence is still a process but we’re taking it one day at a time. I wake up every day feeling beautiful even if my hair isn’t done. I’m nowhere near where I want to be in life but I’m starting to dress like I am. I’m not married yet but I set the table like I am. I didn’t want to be a blogger but I am and I think I’m doing pretty good for someone that’s literally learning as I go. The consistency could be better but I’m busy these days. The book has been getting all my attention lately because my favorite person knows about it and if he finds out I haven’t been writing I will not hear the end of it. Moral of the story, invest in you!! You don’t need Thousands of dollars to this. Your self investment can be as simple as you reading one book every month, taking yourself on dates even if it’s in the house. Cook your favorite meal, put it on your good plate, you know the one you only take out for special occasions? With you good glass. Pour your favorite drink, whatever it may be and enjoy!! You want to be a dancer but don’t have the money to pay for dance lessons!! YouTube University. It’s the best school I’ve ever been to. I’m currently taking classes on learning how to play the keyboard and so far my professors are wonderful. I learned a song in my first week. I’m not joking. The bonus for me is if I don’t understand something I can always ask my favorite person who just so happens to play and he’ll help me. I’ll leave a video below so you can see him as well as his new song. (I hope it gets stuck in your head as much as it gets suck in mine 🤪) But if you don’t have anyone that will help you that’s ok. Keep trying, don’t give up!! It doesn’t matter how many times you may have to stop, start, pause and rewind just keep going!! Yes it can become annoying and frustrating, you may even cry but in the end it’ll all be worth it. Start living the life you dream of now even if you’re circumstances say otherwise. I believe the first step is changing your mindset. I believe if you can see it you can achieve it. You don’t need a bunch of people cheering you on. Sometimes you may have to walk alone for a season or two but pray and ask God for like minded people. He will send them. I don’t care whether it’s five people or one person. Learn to appreciate just being in their presence. Laugh, cry if you need to but most importantly grow together. One thing he always tells me is “Block out all negativity, don’t listen to The naysayers no matter who they are. Focus on loving yourself because self love is the best love.” This isn’t an overnight thing, it’s a journey. It’s like baby steps, you will fall sometimes but get back up. 

Remember each of our journeys are different don’t let anyone discourage you on yours!!! God can and will use people from all walks of life to help each other🤝 

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