So by now y’all obviously know that I’m a Christian and have been for quite some time now. What y’all don’t know is that this is actually my second year truly living for him because I backslid. I backslid for many reasons but the main one was my issue with men. I didn’t hate them. I just didn’t know how to love, appreciate or talk to them because of the relationships I’ve seen growing up and always being teased by them because of my disability. But the lord has really been revealing things to me over these past 5months or so and I just wanted to share a little.
GOOD MEN DO EXIST!! I know Society has told us otherwise but good men do you still exist!! Faithful men, loving, men exist. Masculine men, protective men, respectful men still exist. Gentlemen…still exist. Men that will fight for you, Men that pray over you/speak life into you when you don’t know how you’re gonna make it another day. Husbands are on the way and they’re FIIINE!!! So get ready. Us women truly need to uplift the men in our life in every way we can. Doesn’t matter if he’s your brother, father, cousin, uncle, husband or just a friend. Tell that man how much you love and appreciate him. Make him feel like “THE MAN ” at all times even when he makes mistakes. If you grew up similar to me this may be a bit difficult for you to do. Around age 12 I adopted a masculine mind set as a defense mechanism. I didn’t want to be a boy or anything but I felt I had to be tough like them. This would be my first time ever away from home because I had surgery. If I got teased here my family wouldn’t always be there to defend me and crying just wasn’t an option. I had to protect myself by any means necessary. The way I did this was with my words. You weren’t going to say whatever you wanted to me and get away with it. This went for everyone, I didn’t care who you were. Hearing sayings like “ men ain’t shit”, “all men cheat”, men are dogs and my absolute favorite “I DON’T NEED A MAN.” Didn’t help much either. Your reason for adopting masculinity may be slightly different but I’m pretty sure the root of it for all of us is the same. Pain. Pain can really cause self destruction if left unaddressed and unfortunately that’s what most of us are taught in the black Community. We are taught not to cry because crying means we’re weak. Most of us are talked at, not talked to. We shut down because we feel judged instead of heard. So much goes into it. But I have GOOD NEWS!!! It’s not too late to be healed. It’s not too late to have joy and peace and not too late to have the life you’ve possibly always dreamed of. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, healing isn’t easy but it’s definitely worth it. You may be saying to yourself I’ve tried to heal, nothing worked. I’ve been there. I literally thought porn would take away my pain but all it did was become an addiction and distort my view of men even more. I’m not trying to force my believes on you in any way but the only thing that truly helped was when I finally stopped trying to fix myself, by myself and gave it to Jesus. I’m porn addiction free for 2 years. I am filled with peace even on my sad days and I’m learning how to love me so that I can love my baby when he comes
Remember each of our journeys are different don’t let anyone discourage you on yours!!! God can and will use people from all walks of life to help each other