It’s Wednesday. The Day before Thanksgiving. I am at work till 2:30 today. It’s nice to get out early. I am sad and anxious today. I think once my mom calls and says she’s on her way, I will start to get excited. I went to bed last night sad and thinking of my dad. I thought that maybe, just maybe I’ll finally have a dream with him in it. No such luck. Lately it’s just been terrible night mares or nothing at all.

I was laying in bed last night looking at my dresser mirror. We have lost a lot of people in the past year. First Ray’s Grandmother, then my childhood friend Drew,  then Ray’s 22 year old cousin then my friends father and just a few weeks later my father. 3 out of the 5 were totally unexpected and all of them hurt.  It was crazy and I am ready for 2018 to end now. I haven’t dealt with Death like this in my life ever and I would be happy if it will take a break for a while.

My friend and I decided to go to a medium to see if she could contact our Fathers. My friend wanted to see if there was anything else that her dad wanted to tell her and I wanted to hear that my dad was okay. We got none of that. If you do go to a medium I would suggest going alone or with people trying to contact the same person. It was confusing because she was saying things that could either apply to both our dads, or neither one of them. When she did reach my father it did not make me feel better. She said he was jumping all around and really confused still, he was confused and not ready. She said she should have told us to wait at least a year before trying to make contact because they need time to settle, especially when it was unexpected. For my friend the medium spent a lot of time saying who her dad was with and things he did when they were growing up and there was no message she hadn’t heard before she said. When we left both of us felt like it was a waste of money and we were both unsettled still. Over the next week or so some things the medium said did make a little bit more sense and I think I am going to take my sister back next year and try one more time. She did say a few things that I told to my mom that made her laugh like he watches football with her still and he found his wedding ring and he’s wearing it again.

Now it’s time for me to get over this feeling for a few days. I will think of happy things, and laugh with my husband, kids and family. I will be cook food for everyone I love and I will be thankful for my house full of love and laughter. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.