Ah. Tuesday. It’s a full day but we had a full staff meeting this morning. It wasn’t terrible. It was kind of interesting to learn about the Community connections program. They do dinners and such so maybe if I really want to do the Thanksgiving or something like it I can talk to Lisa and see about providing food maybe once a month or something. I don’t know. We’ll see. It was interesting is all and something I think I should look into.

I am really sad today. Like really sad. I feel terrible in my chest and I am on the verge of tears all day so far. If I could have, I would have stayed in bed and cried once everyone got to where they needed to be this morning.

I am usually so excited about Thanksgiving and I am excited to see everyone but I am terribly sad that my dad will not be here. It’s like a hole in the day. Usually he’s there with his Trump hat, helping out and just having a good time, playing with his grand kids. No one speaks of politics, they just have fun and hang out.  Ugh. I am just missing him a lot. I wanted to write a really happy Thanksgiving blog and I am really just not happy today. I know I need to allow myself time to process this on my own and then I know I will be able to focus and pull it all together. So I am not being to hard on myself yet to suck it up and get to prepping… And I know that tomorrow I will be waiting and looking out the window anxiously anticipating my mom and super excited to see her. It’s the first Thanksgiving without him and I am allowing myself to grieve. I know it will be fun to have everyone over and eating and happy. I do miss him though and I know he will be missed by all of us.

My Dad was killed on his farm by a Bull back in July. He was gored while feeding the cows and he did not make it back to the house. My sister in law found him and by then it was to late. It was sudden and terrible. I was trying for years to get them to move back closer to my sister and me. The Sunday before he died I talked to my Dad about how many animals he had left and we were planning on a couple years before they would be ready to sell and move. I had moved the Annual summer party from June this year to the end of August so that everyone could make it. A lot of people did make it because that was the weekend we buried my Fathers ashes.

I think maybe after this holiday I will look into finding a therapist to see if that will help me learn better ways to process my emotions.