Tag Archives: #me #personal #confident #books #blog

Personal Check In

I’m actually doing okay this week. I went to my psychiatrist last Friday and I’m really unsure about what I feel about him. I honestly almost didn’t go. Last time we talked a lot about my diet and cooking vegetables. I was not in the mood to talk about different ways to cook squash.
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I thought about cancelling. Then I decided to just get it out of the way because I am taking an anti depressant right now and I was nervous that he wouldn’t refill my prescription if I cancelled… Even though I have enough for a couple more weeks, but I didn’t want to push it and I kind of just wanted it out of the way. I was feeling kind of crappy last week and I mean, I didn’t really have an excuse not to go except I didn’t feel like it. Sometimes it feels just like an hour of weird, judgy silence in between me talking too much.
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My car battery died that morning and I was like that’s the sign, I shouldn’t go. My husband jumped my car battery and I still made it to work on time. Seriously, I looked for anything that day. My boss took a while to get back to me about leaving early and I told my husband like “well, I guess I can’t go.”  Five minutes later my boss said fine and my car started, so I went.
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When I got there a woman was sitting outside the office in the little hallway/waiting room (seriously, its a chair in a hallway) and I was like… Oh shit, maybe my time was wrong. I bet I was wrong, or he was wrong and then I don’t really have to come today. I even went back to my car and text my husband that I thought I was wrong and I should just leave and he told me that I should stay. So I did, but I told myself that I would use the 15 minute rule and I would leave if he didn’t come out for me in 15 minutes. Then the people left and I went in.
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I told him I was fine. I told him everything was cool and I felt good. Then I told him how I felt about work and being unappreciated and how I felt stuck but I was working on my books and blog and trying to figure out how to promote it better.  I said we are still planing on moving to San Diego as soon as we can.
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I told him how I was finding it sometimes hard to balance work and family and trying to promote anything about my blog or books. He said I should consider taking one day off every month and doing strictly book promotion work. Go somewhere and get out there. See where I can promote my stuff and then actually go do it. Then he asked me what my book was about and I told him but I felt like I sounded so dumb and I just kept talking until I couldn’t stand myself and I finally just shut up.
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I realized how unconfident I am in myself and my work.
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This year I am going to work on myself more. I think I am going to take the day off every month and try to find places where I can promote myself. I am so uncomfortable being the center of anything and I need to make myself get out there a little bit more. I do love my stories and I do think they are good and I should be able to tell someone about them without feeling like an idiot.
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So that’s where I am at right now. Going to work on me. I bought a planner for 2020 a few weeks ago and I am using it. I feel like if I write stuff down I will get it done. Plus, I love me a good to do list.
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What about you? Is there something you do to help motivate you? If someone asked you what your stuff was about, would you be nervous talking about it?
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