Let’s be honest

I’m not sure if I have a drinking problem. Recently I have been reading a lot on drinking and what’s considered okay. I don’t usually drink at all Monday thru Thursday. Come Friday I get wine and I indulge. A box of wine lasts me the weekend. Sometimes I drink bourbon on the rocks. I get all my stuff done during the day and then change into my pj’s at night and drink some and watch some movies or read a book. Growing up my parents drank a lot. My dad could crush a 18 pack everyday but he was working and drinking and functioning. My mom sometimes gets a little loopy… as do I, sometimes. I have a job. I get my chores done. I function. I don’t need to drink, it’s just something that I do when I get to relax on the weekends.
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Last year, I was like I am not going to drink for a while. And I didn’t. When my dad died in July from a farm accident, I started drinking every day for a while to help me sleep even though nothing really helped me sleep. From July till October I was drinking basically daily. In October, I woke up and I thought I was dying. I felt the worst pain right under my ribs. I went to the doctor like I think I broke my liver. She said it was acid reflux and heartburn. I never had that before. I quit drinking for a month for the most part and then holiday’s. Now I have fallen back into the habit of drinking on the weekends. My younger sister said that she only remembers my parents drinking all the time. That’s part of why she doesn’t drink at all. I don’t have those memories. I have good memories when they weren’t drinking at all and then some good memories of having a few beers with my parents. The thing is I don’t know if it’s really effecting my kids, or if they even notice. I mean they see me drink but I’m not drunk.  I guess I am just not sure what is a problem and what’s not. What’s the tipping point? What is not okay?
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I have been seeing a lot about liver transplants and how it’s more common and related to drinking now. I have a friend who I saw a few months ago. She said her mom died from drinking and she never even knew her mom drank that much. I watch my kids go to sleep and I think, am I messing up and they will have to bury me one day because of these choices? Then of course I googled it and now every ad I see is about drinking and liver damage.
Anyway, I think I am going to lay off the weekend drinking for a while. It’s just that I really enjoy it sometimes. No one has said that I drink to much, I have just been thinking about it lately. So what are you’re thoughts? Do you drink? If so how much and how often?
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