I told him I wrote a book. He asked how I was going to promote it. I was like I don’t know. I don’t want to be annoying. I am trying to write my blog and hopefully that will catch people’s interest. He said I really need to rebuild my confidence. I should promote my book because I worked hard on it.
He said I should try to create a positive thought when I have a negative thought. Hmmm. Okay. Why does that feel so hard?
We started talking about how I always second guess myself and I told him how I always think back on what I said or did and wonder if I was wrong or stupid. He asked why or when I started to do this and it occurred to me that it was much more noticeable to me around when I became a mother.
I never felt like a natural at being a mother. I really thought I would with all my years of babysitting. I always felt like things that people just did, I would have to think about it. I read a lot. One of the first times I ever brought my baby out of the house, my diaper bag was so unprepared for anything. I had like one diaper in there and one extra bottle. Of course I learned after that trip but still, sometimes I feel like I am never going to get it. Haha. I think every mother probably feels like that at some point. Even as the kids get older there are new things that happen every year and I always sit and think if I made the right decision.
Then I am always wondering if I am messing up. Or if I am doing it all wrong. I’m not sure but I think that is where some of this stems from. I really started to second guess everything. Everything I did. Every decision I made. I never really did that nearly as much as I seem to now. I think I have been doing it for so long at this point, I don’t even realize how often I do it.
I apologize for everything. Things that aren’t even my fault. You bump into me and I will say “Sorry.” . I’m not really sure when it just became something I seem to do all the time now. Without even knowing it. My coworkers say I’m so nice. I’m not nice. I just don’t say what I think.
I am trying to work on this now. I know that I am a good mother. I will always be there for my kids, I will always listen and have their back and stand up for them when they need me. I also have to lead by example though. I want them to be confident and I would like to demonstrate that for them. I am working on this. I am not sure how but I think I will start with trying to replace negative thoughts with positive.
What makes you feel most confident?